Navigating Break-ups, Divorce and Singleness During the Holidays
The holiday season can feel like a sparkling snow globe of joy—or a heavy, emotional storm cloud, depending on what’s happening in your life. If you’re single, going through a breakup, or navigating a divorce, the festive cheer can be a tough pill to swallow. Between family gatherings, traditions that may no longer include you, and those perfectly curated holiday posts flooding your feed, this time of year might leave you feeling a little lost.
Here’s the thing: It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Whether you’re healing from a breakup, navigating co-parenting, or simply feeling the weight of being single, this season doesn’t have to be all about loss. This post isn’t here to help you feel positive and cheery if that’s not where you’re at. I wrote this with the heaviness and grief that comes along with singleness when you’re longing your person and a healthy relationship in mind. So if you’re feeling sad, lonely, and overwhelmed by the positivity that is all around you during the holidays – this one is for you.
1. Feel What You Feel—All of It
The first step? Ditch the pressure to “stay positive.” Going through a breakup or divorce—or being single during the holidays—can stir up a lot of feelings: sadness, anger, relief, loneliness, or even guilt if you ended the relationship. Trying to shove those emotions down or mask them with forced holiday cheer doesn’t work.
Instead, let yourself feel. You might cry over the traditions you’re not part of this year. You might grieve the version of your relationship, family, or life you thought you’d have. And that’s okay. Emotions don’t make you weak—they make you human. Talking to someone who understands, like a therapist or a close friend, can help ease that weight.
2. Set Boundaries (Especially Around the Tough Topics)
Holidays often mean family gatherings, and those can be a minefield if you’re navigating a breakup or divorce. Relatives might ask intrusive questions—“Why didn’t it work out?” or “Are you seeing anyone yet?”—that leave you feeling raw.
You don’t have to answer. It’s okay to shut those conversations down gently but firmly. Try responses like:
- “I’m still processing things, so I’d rather not talk about it right now.”
- “Thanks for your concern, but I’d love to focus on enjoying the holiday instead.”
If you need to skip certain events or limit how much time you spend with certain people, that’s also valid. Protect your peace—it’s the best gift you can give yourself.
3. Reimagine Your Holidays
One of the hardest parts of a breakup or divorce is adjusting to the loss of shared traditions. But this is also an opportunity to make the season your own. Ask yourself: What do you want the holidays to look like this year?
- For single parents: Create new traditions with your kids. Whether it’s baking cookies, going ice skating, or building a pillow fort to watch holiday movies, focus on creating special moments that are just for you and them.
- If you’re spending the holidays alone: Embrace the freedom to do what makes you happy. Travel, volunteer, host a Friendsmas, or spend a quiet day reading and recharging.
- If co-parenting is involved: If your kids are with your ex for part of the holidays, plan something for yourself. It might be as big as a weekend getaway or as simple as treating yourself to a cozy night in with your favorite takeout and a good movie.
The key is to focus on what feels good for you instead of trying to recreate the past.
4. Balance Loss with Gratitude
Let’s be real: It’s hard not to dwell on what’s missing during the holidays. But while it’s important to honor those feelings, balancing them with gratitude can help lighten the load.
Start small. Maybe you’re thankful for a friend who checks in on you, a warm cup of tea on a cold day, or even the fact that you’ve made it through another week. Gratitude doesn’t erase the pain, but it can remind you that there’s still good in the world—and in your life.
5. Lean Into Your Support System
Going through a breakup or divorce—or simply feeling the weight of singleness—can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and understand your journey.
- If you’re recently divorced or going through a breakup: Look for a local or online support group. Hearing from others who’ve been through similar experiences can be incredibly validating.
- If you’re single and longing for connection: Spend time with friends or chosen family who uplift you. Host a casual get-together or just hang out one-on-one with someone who makes you laugh.
If you’re struggling to find that support, a therapist can help you process your emotions and build a plan for moving forward.
6. Be Kind to Yourself
The holidays can bring up a lot of “shoulds.” You should be happier. You should have someone by your side. You should be doing more. Let’s scrap that, shall we?
Take care of yourself in the ways that matter most to you:
- Need rest? Cancel plans and have a night in.
- Feeling lonely? Reach out to a friend or coworker for a quick coffee or chat.
- Need a pick-me-up? Treat yourself to something small that brings you joy—a book, a treat, a bubble bath.
You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
7. Look Ahead to What’s Possible
The holidays might feel heavy right now, but this season is just a small part of your bigger story. A breakup, divorce, or singleness are not the end—they’re just chapters in your life.
Think about what you want the next chapter to hold. Maybe it’s finding new hobbies, exploring parts of yourself that got lost in your relationship, or reconnecting with people you care about. The new year ahead is an open door, and it’s okay to feel both scared and excited about what’s on the other side.
Some Final Thoughts
Singleness, breakups, and divorce during the holidays can feel overwhelming, but you’re not alone. This season is about more than traditions or relationship status—it’s about finding moments of joy, no matter how small, and showing yourself the compassion you deserve.
If it feels too heavy to handle alone, reach out for support. You’re not weak for needing help—you’re human. Whether it’s through friends, family, a support group, or a therapist, there’s strength in leaning on others.
This holiday season might look different, but it doesn’t have to be less meaningful. Take it one day at a time, and remember: you’ve got this.
