6 Ways to Support Your Loved One Who is Struggling with an Eating Disorder

Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming, confusing, and at times you may feel helpless. As an eating disorder therapist I have seen first hand how significant even one person who is supportive of recovery can be in in a client’s life who is struggling with an eating disorder. So if you’re here reading this – thank you – your care and understanding can make a world of difference! Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions, and recovery often requires professional support. However, as a friend, partner, or family member, your approach to conversations, behaviours, exercise routines, and mealtimes can help create a more supportive and healing environment. As I have reflected on what has been helpful – or what my clients wished they had when they were struggling I compiled this list of  meaningful ways you can support someone struggling with an eating disorder.

1. Be Mindful of Your Language Around Food and Exercise

The way we talk about food and exercise matters. Casual comments like “I have to burn off this meal” or “I was bad today, I ate too much” can reinforce unhealthy relationships with food. You may not even realize that you are making comments like this because they are so integrated into our society and even how we connect with one another. Instead, try to use neutral or positive language around food and exercise. Celebrate food for its nourishment and the joy it can bring, rather than focusing on calories or restrictions. This can sound like “wow, this cake was delicious!” or “I was so tired but I had that burger and I am full of energy now”. Similarly, you can approach exercise as a way to feel strong and energized rather than a tool for weight control or a way to change your body’s appearance. We sometimes talk about exercise as a way of punishing ourselves for what we ate, or a way to make ourselves more “beautiful” rather than what it is – a way of moving your body to gain strength, conditioning, agility and maintain or grow your physical health. I believe that all of us have been influenced by diet culture in one way or another so this may be an opportunity to reflect on how you talk and think about your own relationship with exercise as well.

2. Avoid Commenting on Bodies – Theirs, Yours, or Others’

Even well-intended remarks about weight loss or appearance can be triggering. Hearing “have you lost weight? You look so good!” may be intended as a compliment, however this can reinforce the idea that the person did not look good before even though they weighed more. Comments like this can actually reinforce a person’s greatest fears – that I can only be loved or beautiful if I am thin. Instead of complimenting someone on looking “healthy” or “slim,” focus on non-appearance-related qualities. Say things like, “You seem really happy today,” or “I love how passionate you are about your hobbies.” This helps shift the focus away from body image and reinforces that their value is not tied to their appearance.

Similarly, I know that in some cultures commenting on someone’s weight and if they gained weight has different connotations and may not be meant negatively. We often don’t know if someone is struggling with their body image or an eating disorder and so I would encourage you to avoid these comments as well. Remember: your narrative about weight and bodies may be very different than someone else’s, especially if they have or are struggling with an eating disorder.

3. Ask How You Can Support Them Around Meals

Mealtimes can be extremely stressful for someone with an eating disorder. Instead of assuming what they need, ask directly: “How can I support you during meals?” Some people may want you to eat with them for company, while others may appreciate distraction-based support, like talking about lighthearted topics. Being flexible and open to their needs can make meals feel less daunting. For some people, after a meal can be the most difficult and triggering time. They may be tempted to purge if this is part of their history, or feel anxious about what they have eaten and the impacts on their weight/body. Offering to sit with them, watch a movie or talk through their anxiety after a meal can be extremely helpful.

4. Educate Yourself About Eating Disorders

Learning about eating disorders can help you approach your loved one with empathy and knowledge. There are many misconceptions about these conditions, and understanding that they are not just about food or willpower is crucial. Organizations like the The Looking Glass Foundation provide valuable resources. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to offer meaningful support without unintentionally saying or doing something harmful. We have a list of resources on our website here (books), here (podcasts) or here on instagram for those who are recovering from an eating disorder or disordered eating or wanting to learn more.

5. Encourage Professional Help, but Be Patient

Recovery from an eating disorder often requires professional treatment, whether that’s therapy, medical support, or nutritional counselling from a registered dietician. Encourage your loved one to seek help, but avoid pushing too hard or making ultimatums. Instead, express your concern with compassion: “I care about you and want to see you feeling better—would you be open to talking to someone who can help?” Be patient and supportive throughout their journey, knowing that recovery is not linear. At times it can be overwhelming to even know which professional to reach out to, so you can also help them by giving them a list of trusted professionals, offering to come to an appointment or consultation call with them, or help them sort out how to use insurance to cover the sessions if they have it. If you are looking for a registered clinical counsellor you are welcome to reach out to our team as we have multiple counsellors who specialize in eating disorder recovery. Contact us HERE for a free consultation call or to speak to our team about getting connected to the right support.

6. Be a Consistent Source of Support

Recovery is a long and often challenging process. Your loved one may have good days and bad days, and it’s important to be there for them consistently. Let them know that they don’t have to go through this alone and that you are there for them no matter what. Small gestures, like checking in regularly, sending encouraging messages, or simply being a listening ear, can make a significant impact. It can be really hard to bring up when you are struggling to someone, so offering to do the work by agreeing to check in on them every week, or at a certain interval can be really helpful to someone in recovery. It also creates a sense of accountability which can be helpful in the recovery process. You may see that they seem to be doing better by witnessing things like them eating more food, or shifting their relationship with exercise, however as we never know the full picture I would encourage you not to assume that everything is fine if you see them shift a few things. The process of recovery usually takes years for the mental and physical healing to happen and certain situations can be more triggering than others.

Conclusion

Supporting someone with an eating disorder requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to fostering a positive and nonjudgmental environment. By changing the way you talk about food and bodies, asking how you can help, and encouraging professional support, you can play an important role in their healing journey. Most importantly, remind your loved one that they are valued and loved beyond their struggles. This can be an overwhelming for you as well as you watch your loved one struggle. Know that you also don’t need to hold this worry alone – we would love to support you or your loved one with healing and recovery. Reach out today if you’d like some support.